Finding it hard to find the “Merry” in Christmas?; Mayor David Brinker celebrated at final commissio

By Angela Widdis

The year 2020 has brought with it its own set of unprecedented challenges with COVID-19 running rampant throughout the world. Add to that the already difficult life events like the loss of a loved one or dealing with an illness, which can bring about grief and sadness that can make it hard for one to enjoy this holiday season. There are things people can do to make the Christmas season merrier if they are experiencing grief and sadness.

Grief can come and go. It can show up when least expected, but at the holidays it can be magnified beyond comprehension. Someone might even find that this year because they had to alter the way they celebrate might mean that they are more alone with their thoughts. Feelings of lonesomeness can set in much easier than in years past bringing on sadness.

Stephanie Cole-Conway, a Watervliet High School graduate and owner of the counseling center Solutions for Life, PLLC, states that, “The holiday season is upon us! For lots of people, the holidays are a wonderful, blessed time of the year. For others, they can be a poignant reminder of those that are no longer with us, whether because of estrangement or death.”

Strategies for combating the feelings that takes the “merry” out of Christmas

Cole-Conway suggests that people may find themselves struggling to practice gratitude, as there is a lot of sadness in the world right now and one doesn’t have to look hard at all to find all kinds of negativity staring them in the face. She says people who are struggling should look for things on a daily basis that makes them feel grateful. When someone really looks for the positive things in life, they will find them!

Studies have shown that volunteering can be beneficial to people’s mental health. Though it may be hard to do in-person volunteering this season, there are some alternatives. Suggestions include writing out Christmas cards to the residents at a local long-term care facility, picking a tag off the Angel Tree at the Tri-City Record office and fulfilling the wish of a family in need, or helping another family member or friend with something. Any one of these things can prove to be beneficial in the healing process.

Another suggestion is to look for opportunities to connect with people. At the end of the day, people crave connection. Someone can start to feel like there is no purpose when there are no people in their life. Spending some time with family members that they enjoy can lift someone’s spirits. When people feel connected to other people, they don’t feel as alone and although their loss is still there, it’s not as magnified.

After a death, people are eager to help but oftentimes don’t know how they can be effective. If someone needs help with meals, shopping, or decorating, they should speak up and make their needs known. As for emotional needs, close friends or relatives might not know how someone feels about talking about their grief so they don’t bring it up. If a grieving person needs to talk about it, they should start the conversation.

If an old way of celebrating will bring about extreme sadness because it is a reminder of a lost loved one, this year it might help for someone grieving to start a new tradition. They should take a hard look as to what they want to celebrate and focus on that. The changes they make do not have to be permanent; they can easily go back to the old traditions once they are ready for that. Finally, Stephanie advises people to get some exercise. Exercise produces endorphins; endorphins are an antidote for sadness and depression. This can be done alone, or with a friend; and exercising with a friend kills two birds with one stone.

Find support to help cope

Sharing feelings is often the best way for someone to get through those feelings, and finding people to talk to will help. Locating a support group is one way. Places that could help can be found by searching online or checking with local churches, primary care providers, or a local funeral home.

Give yourself grace

One of the best things someone can do if they are feeling the pangs of grief is to give themselves permission to feel whatever it is they’re feeling. They should try not to become a victim to the thoughts that they have to feel a certain way or do certain things in order to make the holiday “normal”. If they feel sad, allow the tears to come; if they feel angry, they should vent in a healthy way. Hopefully, these tips will help to make the holiday season a little brighter for those that are experiencing grief. If you know someone who is grieving during this season, reach out to them and it will make both your holidays merrier!